DEAR ABBY: A very dear longtime friend I’ll call Lois lives a few hours from us in her vacation home. We used to visit and sometimes spend the night there, but her house smells awful. The smell has worsened over time. We never spend the night there now, and our visits are shorter.
Lois has always owned one or more indoor dogs that she lets outside to go to the bathroom. They also have access to a special room inside where they can do their business, but they also go everywhere. Her ability to clean up after them has diminished. For years, we have avoided telling her why we have shortened our visits. Her husband died recently, and we should be helping, but we feel unwell being there. If you think we should tell her, how should we do it? We don’t want to hurt or embarrass her. — LOST FOR WORDS IN THE SOUTH
DEAR LOST: If Lois ASKS why you no longer visit the way you used to, tell her the truth. Explain that you care about her, but the odor (which she’s likely so used to that she doesn’t notice) makes you and your husband feel unwell. Suggest that allowing her dogs to use her house as a bathroom may not be healthy for her, either, and offer to help her find a cleaning crew to get the place back in order.
***
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at
www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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