DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to a 95th birthday celebration. While it’s lovely to be included at such a momentous occasion, I was a bit taken aback at the wording of the invitation.
After announcing the day and time, it read that no alcohol would be permitted. I understand that “Jenny” may not want a bunch of drunks carousing on her special day. Nevertheless, I thought the wording strange and even a bit unwelcoming.
The invitation also announced “No gifts, please” — again, fine, because what would 95-year-old Jenny do with them? — but after that, it said, “There will be a box for cards and cash.”
How would Miss Manners view such an invitation?
GENTLE READER: Such an unpleasant invitation.
There is no need to serve alcohol, but there is also no need to issue a warning, as if the guests were likely to smuggle it in. And forbidding presents while putting out a cash box makes it clear that admission is being charged.
Ordinarily, Miss Manners would advise you to treat this like the fundraiser it is — that is, to accept only if you consider it a charity you want to support. But considering Jenny’s age, someone else might have crafted this event, and the invitation, on her behalf.
You might want to avoid such a person, and instead pay a separate visit to Jenny to acknowledge her birthday.
***
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website,
www.missmanners.com
; to her email,
; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
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