DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepson is a successful novelist. I’m reading an advanced copy of his new book, which is brilliant, but contains a neurodivergent character that doesn’t ring quite true to me. (I’m neurodivergent, if that matters.)
In a recent conversation, I complimented him on his truly wonderful book, but when I tried to talk about this character in what I hoped was a light way, he said, coldly and dismissively, “I don’t care what you think.”
This hurt my feelings. Noting his defensiveness, I left the conversation, but afterwards his father and I fought. He thought I shouldn’t have tried to discuss the book, just to praise it. He said I was being a jerk.
Was I? I think I’m owed an apology from both of them. But I know my social skills can always be improved.
GENTLE READER: As it is well past time to retire the offensive cliche “Does this make me look fat?” as The Most Loaded Question, Miss Manners recommends adopting in its place, “What do you think of my book?”
All authors crave discerning feedback. All authors also crave praise. The trick is knowing which to give when. Miss Manners finds it best to ask first, but has found that the former is best delivered before publication.
***
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website,
www.missmanners.com
; to her email,
; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
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