TO ANNIE: My sister is disliked by my spouse. She reminds him too much of his ex-wife, he claims. He doesn’t want to be around her anymore because of that. Seeing my entire family is becoming really challenging as a result. Since my father’s mental state is deteriorating, we are organizing a trip to visit them in Canada.
While we are there, my spouse won’t visit my sister. Given that she and her husband have traveled to the United States twice in the past year to see us, my sister became quite irate when I informed her that we would not have time to travel to her residence, which is another three-hour drive away, because this was a special trip to spend time with my parents.
My sister is someone I adore. Aside from my hubby, she is my best buddy. Nearly every day, we speak over the phone. I do not wish to cause her harm. What should I do next? — Love between sisters.
Greetings, Sisterly Love: Your hubby must mature. Since he is aware of how much your sister means to you, any resemblance to his ex-wife is not an excuse to avoid visiting her.
I would question your husband about why he finds the two women’s resemblance so upsetting. Was his last marriage abusive or poisonous? Does he have emotions that he has struggled to overcome when he sees your sister? He needs to deal with these problems, ideally with a therapist’s assistance.
While you’re in Canada, you should definitely pay your sister a visit. He can either fly back to the United States by himself or stay with your folks.
***
TO ANNIE: I wanted to take a moment to share my experience of battling mental illness, particularly anxiety and depression. Since the age of 13, I, a 48-year-old male, have battled mental illness. I’ve always believed that this was taboo and that men simply weren’t meant to discuss it or share their struggles. Over the years, I sought assistance, but it was difficult. Men are meant to be tough and powerful and never weep, so I would feel less of a man for doing that, but wow, was I mistaken.
A few years ago, I eventually confided in my primary care physician about my pain and difficulties, and I’m pleased I did. She devised a plan of treatment. After I completed a DNA test, she was able to determine which mental health medications would work well for me and which wouldn’t. I eventually discovered the ideal medication combination that has worked for me after my second attempt.
Both my anxiety and depression are at a fairly tolerable stage right now. It feels good to be alive for the first time in decades, and I finally feel like myself and that I have hope. Annie, I want women and men to know that there is support available and that they should never give up. I never imagined that I would ever feel normal again, but I do now because I was open and vulnerable with my doctor. I will never regret opening up, and it was well worth the effort. Thanks for listening to my story, and once more, to those who are going through hardship, never give up. Hope never dies. — A Tale of Success
Greetings, Success Story: What a lovely tale! And you’re absolutely correct—no matter how dire things appear, there is always hope. Asking for assistance when we are having difficulties is one of the most difficult things we can do. That you did should make you very proud!
Depression and anxiety can be managed in a variety of ways, including as taking medicine, going to a support group, or engaging in talking cure therapy. Bravo for having the guts to speak up, show vulnerability, and rely on someone else to assist you reach this point.
NOTE: In 2022, the aforementioned piece was first published.
For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].
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