Greetings, Abby My spouse and I like spending time with our two- and seven-year-old grandchildren. The problem is that we believe we are being exploited. Although they are still married, our daughter and her spouse live different lives. He spends most weekends at home after working out of town. Her weekends typically start on Friday, when she needs someone to watch the kids until he gets home, assuming he does. When he departs for work on Sunday evening, she comes back.
Every weekend, our daughter expects us to pick up the grandchildren from school and/or the daycare center on Friday. She assumes we will do it; she doesn’t ask. Hell breaks out if we say we can’t or make other arrangements. Since she needs to alter her plans, it’s the end of the world. We’ve attempted to have a calm conversation with her about it, but she keeps threatening to deny us any access to the kids. We’re worn out and unsure of what to do. — IN VIRGINIA, VEXED
Greetings, VEXED Because you and your spouse are worn out and need time to yourself, firmly inform your entitled daughter that she will need to find alternative arrangements for the kids on two weekends per month. Remind her that she became the primary caregiver for the children when she began a family, not you. For many years, you have graciously provided her with free babysitting services. She will discover that those services are costly once she begins charging for them. She probably won’t respond by denying you the opportunity to see them. To resent her face, she would have to cut off her nose.
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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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