TO ERIC: I feel ungrateful just typing this, but here we go. My hubby expresses his affection by giving gifts. Like the rest of his family, he collects a lot of items, but I don’t. By nature, I am a practical guy. His presents can occasionally be excessive or simply unuseful (for instance, he gives me an Advent calendar that is a gift for each day of December).
Even while these presents are kind and considerate, the truth is that I don’t need or want any of them. This isn’t just a Christmas celebration; it’s also for my birthday, our anniversary, Valentine’s Day, and Easter. I’ve attempted to explain that I don’t require all of these items, but he claims that he likes to find them and give them to me. How can we come to an agreement? Aside from this problem, our marriage is solid, and I don’t want to offend him.
An excessive number of gifts
DEAR GIFTS: While some may think it’s a champagne issue, too much of it might actually cause problems. Giving gifts has two aspects: the impact and the goal. In general, I believe it is much more beneficial for everyone to consider the aim rather than the impact. In other words, it’s the idea that matters. However, in your situation, a collection of considerate items that you don’t require is overpowering the goal.
First of all, how do you prefer to express and receive love? Here, that’s crucial. It’s a win-win situation if you can redirect your husband’s energies so that you both enjoy receiving and he still enjoys providing.
However, you will still be somewhat out of sync if, for example, you favor acts of service while he enjoys having something material to wrap and give. If so, you may try discussing practicality with him specifically. Going shopping for a new set of cutlery or a replacement printer, for example, may not immediately make him happy, but he will change his mind once he sees you genuinely utilizing and enjoying the presents. A list will be useful here, but a conversation is a fantastic place to start. You might also advise him to choose activities that you two can love. It may be a board game or something more intangible, like a dating night or an outing. You will find that you are more in agreement if you expand his idea of what a nice gift is while also limiting your own notion.
Questions can be sent to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.)
Tribune Content Agency, LLC in 2025.
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