TO ERIC: Two of my closest female friends have been with me for 13 and 30 years, respectively. I presented them to one another. We’re all close now since they share a lot of things.
Both of them are unmarried. My live-in boyfriend has been suffering from Alzheimer’s for the past year, so I’m not as available to go hiking, canoeing, or to museums as they are.
I recently discovered that my two pals often get together for hikes, museum visits, and lunch without me. I am fully aware that I am unable to take part or spend hours apart from my boyfriend. Although they share these activities with me, I completely understand that they do not.
I recently learned that they are organizing a hiking and overnight excursion to Florida’s west coast for girls. I wasn’t asked.
Eric Although I am well aware of my limits, I feel offended that neither of them asked to involve me. I would have been pleased if I had just said, “We would love you to join us, but understand your situation and will miss you.” Rather, I am in pain and attempting to go past it. I haven’t expressed my feelings to any of my friends.
Am I being overly sensitive by only requesting to be included? If it weren’t for my introduction, these two women would not even be acquainted.
Unrivaled Matchmaker
Greetings, Matchmaker: You’re not being overly sentimental. This is difficult and painful. You can feel overburdened, experience more emotions, and discover that the demands on your time are shifting in ways that are beyond your control as a caregiver.
It’s time to show compassion, both to yourself and to others.
It’s likely that your pals are attempting to show compassion by excluding you from activities they believe you are incapable of doing. However, they must express it to avoid having their motives misunderstood.
Because of how long-standing these connections are, I believe they can endure the truth. Yes, they may thrive on it. Express your hurt to them and explain that it stems from your affection for them and your friendships. Tell them that even though you are aware of how your life has changed, you still want to feel appreciated. It is sometimes necessary to motivate our closest friends to come up with innovative ways to support us.
Questions can be sent to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.)
Tribune Content Agency, LLC in 2025.
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