TO ERIC: One of my friends’ habits is really concerning.
When we go out to dine with someone else, she always says she has to go right away, gets up, and departs nearly instantly after we finish our meal and are just sitting around talking.
This is never the case when we are dining together alone. Not once.
Isn’t this impolite? It’s definitely unnerving. Or am I being domineering if I find it bothersome?
I’m incredulous.
Is it appropriate for me to talk to her about this habit? If so, how should I approach it?
Maybe I could just admit that I wrote the letter to you and give her a copy of my query and your answer.
I’m dumbfounded
DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: Try asking her a few questions about the habit before you ask her the question; this will seem more impartial and should improve the outcome. Instead of trying to be right, try to utilize this as a chance to learn more.
To begin, ask her if she has observed this pattern. If so, inquire further about her motivations. Are there additional factors or specific triggers at work? Is there a reason why you don’t experience it? Curiosity at the forefront will keep the dialogue open and cordial. There are several potential reasons, including physical discomfort, worry, and boredom. You will gain context if you ask for further information. And who knows, maybe there’s something you can both do in the future to make these meals enjoyable from start to finish, whenever that time comes.
Questions can be sent to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.)
Tribune Content Agency, LLC in 2025.
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