Greetings, Abby My oldest kid, 15, died in a vehicle accident four months ago. It has been quite difficult. My spouse and I are making every effort to care for our younger children and rebuild our lives.
The amount of correspondence I have received from my estranged family is one issue for which I am at a loss for what to do. Aunts, uncles, cousins, and even my dad’s ex-wife sent cards and condolence letters, but none of them attended the service. Since I don’t use social media and have a private email address and unlisted phone number, they can’t follow me, so it’s all paper mail. We haven’t been in contact for valid reasons.
Although I don’t have the energy to rekindle these relationships right now, I also believe that the letters were sent with good intentions, therefore it would be heartless to ignore them. Is it possible to recognize the (minimum) assistance without causing a complication? I suppose I want to fulfill my social duty of responding in order to maintain the appropriate distance I’ve managed to build while still being courteous. — ALASKA’S DISTANT
DEAR DISTANT: Please accept my sincere condolences for your child’s unfortunate and premature death. Consider purchasing (or having printed) standard cards that read, The family of (blank) acknowledges with thanks your sincere expression of sadness, as you feel socially bound to acknowledge the condolences your family offered. Adding a few handwritten remarks to each one, if at all possible, would be a kind and considerate addition. They merely need to say, “We hope you and your family are well,” and sign your name because you are unable to send love.
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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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