TO ERIC: Holiday dinners have traditionally been hosted by my father’s side. All of us are in our sixties and seventies. My children are in their 20s and 30s, and my parents have passed away. My cousin takes charge and throws a fantastic party. We loved spending time with everyone, therefore it was disappointing that she did not host or invite us because of COVID and her mother’s passing.
When I inquired in 2023 whether we had offended anyone, she replied that we hadn’t and extended an invitation to everyone. But in 2024, she didn’t. Hurt sentiments again.
I am at the point to write that side off, even if I won’t go out and plead again, especially since our wedding is in October 2026. If we were to invite them, we would be inviting twelve of them, and each plate would be extremely costly. Should I wait until Thanksgiving to see what happens this year?
Uninvited Family
Greetings, family: It’s useful to consider this from her perspective. Even when done with joy, hosting is a significant job that can be difficult. Holidays may have an additional layer of pain since, as you pointed before, things changed drastically both worldwide and in her personal life. I wouldn’t be upset about it. It’s not about you; when her mother passed away, she didn’t throw a lavish family dinner.
I don’t see anything about what you’re doing to get your family together, including her, even though you state that you like to show up and become upset when she doesn’t host. Although you are also a member of your father’s family, your father’s side is customarily the host. You have the chance to divide accountability.
Therefore, it would seem that this wedding would be the ideal occasion to extend a warm greeting to your family. Yes, it costs more to serve 12 people each plate, but how many complimentary plates have you received over the years? It’s not tit for tat, but occasionally we must extend an invitation to loved ones if we wish to see them.
***
TO ERIC: Could I share some advise I got from my dad when I joined my condo board at the age of 24 in response to Avoiding Condo Boorishness, who was struggling to deal with some challenging personalities and disrespect in her role as secretary?
The Big Fish, Little Pond phenomena struck me at the time, and he advised me that the best course of action in certain situations is to think, “I’m so sorry that this is the most important thing in your life.”
I have served on a number of personal and professional boards over the years, and I have found that to be a really helpful method of overcoming the pettiness that appears to be unique to these circumstances.
Beyond the Board
Greetings, Board: I adore an internal mantra that can help to appropriately assess a challenging circumstance without causing confrontation.
Questions can be sent to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.)
Tribune Content Agency, LLC in 2025.
Latest Advice Columns
-
Dear Abby: No matter how many times I ask, my mumbling husband refuses to speak up
-
Today s daily horoscope for Aug. 23, 2025
-
Miss Manners: I received a text message in error … how do I spare the sender embarrassment?
-
Asking Eric: Am I wrong for backing out of a trip because a friend s son is going?
-
Dear Abby: My sister-in-law informed me that it is 2025 and I am NOT the man of the house
