Greetings, Miss Manners Due to my autism, I find it challenging to comprehend social situations, particularly those involving close friendships. I also have a tendency to satisfy others.
I’ve been friends with my best friend for 13 years; we first connected in high school, the day I relocated to a new state. At her wedding, I served as the maid of honor. I have been there for her through the good times and some bad, gloomy periods, as well as the difficult times. She is among my favorite persons to spend time with.
She has, however, done some incredibly ridiculous and foolish things that have caused conflicts. She has brought up people from my past who have severely hurt me; she has put me through numerous four-hour improv shows that she was in (which were incredibly inappropriate and in poor taste); she once offered me the opportunity to help move a stranger’s belongings into their home; and now she wants me to attend her speech contests, which are also four hours long.
I feel bad about refusing. I informed her that I could only stay for the portion where she was speaking because I had other things to do.
I really want to maintain this friendship. I am, however, at my breaking point. It is painful. I cherish her. She reminds me of my sister.
GENTLE READER: Four hours of improv should not be endured by any living person.
Miss Manners observes that you express regret for declining this, but she ignores your friend’s response. Her acceptance of these restrictions may surprise you, even if it doesn’t seem likely at first.
Pushing back is undoubtedly tough, but you have to do it for the friendship’s sake. Conflict is not nearly as effective in destroying relationships as resentment. Nearly as powerful as those endless performances.
(Questions can be sent to Miss Manners via email at [email protected], her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
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