TO ERIC: My sister-in-law is not expected to live much longer due to her illness. My brother has already mentioned that he is excited to travel with my wife and myself once she passes away because we all get along well and share interests (think golfing holidays).
His inability to tolerate silence and his constant need to be busy are the issues. Being around these characteristics isn’t really soothing. When he invariably asks if he may go on a golf vacation with us, how do I reply?
Desires to Show Kindness
DEAR KIND: Here, initiative will be your friend. You can prepare the atmosphere as proactively as you would the practical aspects of your trip, such as the hotel, golf courses, flights, etc. You won’t have to wait for him to invite you along this way. You can take the lead in discussing what joining entails.
Begin in a position of possibility. Talk about the premise at the beginning of the talk. Yes, that sounds like a fantastic idea. How can we collaborate to make it work? Then, don’t be scared to discuss your favorite vacation activities with him and ask him to consider how your interests and his favorite activities may coexist.
For instance, if you were a late sleeper and he was an early riser, you could advise him that the group should schedule lunch meetings for most days and not earlier. I let my pals know that on the third day of a group vacation, I require roughly six hours to explore on my own. On the third day, I venture out on my own, have an experience, purchase a memento, and return feeling rejuvenated. Since voicing my needs ahead of time doesn’t come off as rejection of the group, nobody is offended.
Establishing boundaries in a relationship is about maintaining the relationship, not pushing it away. He is probably aware of his tendency to talk and stay occupied. Perhaps he should invite a friend who enjoys conversation as well. Consider the vacation as a menu. You don’t have to all eat the same thing, but it’s preferable to make your selections ahead of time rather than waiting to see what the chef will be serving.
Questions can be sent to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.)
Tribune Content Agency, LLC in 2025.
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