TO ERIC: I’ve been going out to lunch once a month with three pals for many years. Every time, the location changes, and we then pick where and when to meet the next month.
The information is written down by three of us, and the fourth person may or may not do so.
Three of us arrive at the scheduled time the next month. Pat doesn’t. Even though everyone receives a reminder message that morning before our meeting, someone contacts her to remind her. We wait for her to arrive after she claims to have forgotten.
Last week, it occurred once more. Since she will obviously miss our time together, I strongly advised the others not to call her. We can’t give up on our longtime buddy, one of the other girls stated, adding that she was definitely calling her. Although it can imply that she should be more responsible, it doesn’t seem like I’m given up on her. Who is correct? Or do we simply keep allowing her?
Not Another Reminder
PLEASE NOTE: Pat is probably no longer acting carelessly if this has been happening for years; instead, he is only continuing the pattern that the four of you set long ago. This seems crazy to me now; if it’s not in my calendar, it doesn’t happen. Pat, on the other hand, seems to operate differently, waiting to be called to other places while sitting at home. Although it’s reality, I’m not claiming it’s the ideal approach.
Calling Pat is not required, but I believe that if you insist on bringing up the subject, you are setting yourself up for ongoing confrontation. Allow your friends to continue phoning Pat to remind her if they are willing to do so. You could speak with Pat directly about how waiting around affects the group. I would also advise you to discuss with your other two friends how you can make the most of your time together rather than wasting it waiting for Pat. However, I don’t believe anyone should be at this location.
Questions can be sent to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.)
Tribune Content Agency, LLC in 2025.
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