TO ERIC: We are three female former coworkers who have been getting together on a regular basis to celebrate Christmas and birthdays for the past ten years. We have taken turns dining, laughing, and remembering at each other’s houses, and we have always enjoyed ourselves.
One of our group members abandoned the other two of us this year. She refuses to answer texts or calls. We don’t know if we should keep reaching out or let it go because we are completely in the dark and perplexed by this.
At no point has she indicated any issues to us. She didn’t ask us to the baby shower, even though she recently became a grandmother.
I’m inclined to ignore it and hope she’s alright. What should we do, in your opinion?
Heartbroken
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: This sudden change is alarming. To make sure she’s physically safe, you should get in touch with anyone else who knows her, even if they only know her in passing. Something as basic as “I haven’t heard from her in a bit, do you know if everything is OK?” is sufficient; you don’t need to go into the specifics of your friendship. could partially soothe your mind.
Since you are aware of the new grandchild, you probably already know that she is doing well; she is simply not answering. However, get in touch if you’re unsure. It might not encourage her to get in touch with you again, but it might confirm that she has a strong social safety net in case she needs it.
It’s possible—albeit regrettable—that she has outgrown the friendship or that her feelings have changed and neither you nor the other buddy have noticed. In addition to hurting you, this might make you feel helpless. Putting your friendship through a closure ceremony is one way to regain some of that power. This sounds fancier than it is, so don’t worry.
The place where your friendship used to be is now a sheer drop-off. It will feel like a wound that never goes away. Write her a note wishing her well and thanking her for the companionship she offered you and the moments you spent together. Sending it might not even be necessary or desired. This letter is also for you. Even if we might not always have the opportunity to say farewell and “thank you” to the people we care about, we still choose to do so. And it becomes true when you pronounce it.
Questions can be sent to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.)
Tribune Content Agency, LLC in 2025.
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