TO ERIC: Regarding my 18-year-old granddaughter, I am quite unhappy. Her arm now has a small cross tattooed on it. I don’t like them, and I detest seeing ink all over people. She was accepted to a Christian college, attended a Christian school her entire life, and leads a Christian life.
Even though I’ve known her from infancy, I feel as though I don’t know her or the trends she embraces. She used to be a gorgeous brunette, but now she has long false nails, tattoos, bleached hair, short, tight clothing that barely covers her body, and skimpy bathing suits. The list is endless. What is deemed acceptable by today’s youth is a slippery slope. Before we stop, how far will we fall in society? How do I make her change her mind?
Grandma was disappointed.
Greetings, Grandma The tattoo itself, a tiny cross, doesn’t seem to be a representation of her spiraling into extreme wickedness, despite your reaction to it. Although I’m not familiar with the specifics of her Christian life, your letter gives the impression that she is not planting wild oats despite her short clothing and long nails. Something like overnight oats, perhaps.
With all due respect, I urge you to give up some of the authority you desire over your granddaughter’s life and decisions. She is not covered in ink, and even if she were, it would still be her body, and your and other people’s perceptions of it are inappropriate.
It will be more difficult for her to have a loving and supportive relationship as she grows older if you don’t respect her enough to let her choose her own path when she is 18. Nails fall out, hair ages, and fashion trends shift. Her decisions do not reflect a society on the brink of disintegration. Every generation does these age-appropriate trials, but with distinct patterns.
Remember when you were eighteen? It’s not difficult to think that someone two generations away from you did not agree with all of your decisions, even if you still do. Then, what would have been more beneficial to you? Reprimands and disapproval, or a live-and-let-live style that exposed your inner self? When it comes to your granddaughter, try to connect with your empathy. Curiosity will follow empathy. And connection comes from inquiry.
Questions can be sent to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.)
Tribune Content Agency, LLC in 2025.
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