TO ERIC: There are eight siblings, including my husband. We all get together sometimes, and even though some of us reside on different parts of the nation, they stay in touch.
My brother-in-law has a stepdaughter and is married.
We were informed that since the stepdaughter was paying for her own wedding, they had no say in who was invited and that we might all get an invitation or not. Note that this daughter was invited to every occasion we had, even the weddings of my children. She replied that she will attend my daughter’s wedding but failed to show up.
We and one sister-in-law were not invited when the save-the-dates were sent out. Everyone else received an invitation and showed up. I feel ignored and left out. I don’t understand, but I’ve been thinking about this much too much.
Neither rift nor words ever appeared. My spouse and my brother-in-law, who is the stepfather, have a close relationship. Speaking with several of his siblings, I was informed that she had requested a small wedding (150 guests attended), and I should be pleased given the high cost of the hotel.
I’ve decided to enjoy a simple supper with my children and grandchildren instead of throwing my husband a celebration for his 70th birthday.
I informed my spouse that I would also wish to stop communicating with them going forward. He thinks I’m too sensitive, which made the situation worse. He is free to have any kind of relationship with them, but I personally wish to break up with him.
Am I mistaken? I simply cannot imagine myself feeling at ease in their presence.
Not Included
You have every right to feel the way you do, dear excluded. To your point, inviting six of the eight siblings seems like a good idea. However, the family is huge even without taking into account the father’s family, the niece’s mother’s family, her acquaintances, and the family of the person she married.
The possibilities begin to become limited, even with 150 visitors. Give her some grace, then.
More importantly, don’t show her parents the list of invitations to her wedding. You should take their statement that they had no influence over the invitations at face value. Although you have shown the niece kindness, you are not as close to her as you are to other family members. That’s alright. It’s also acceptable to be hurt by it. It can be painful when you extend your hand and she doesn’t return the favor.
By informing you that you didn’t miss anything, other family members also seem to be attempting to console and sympathize with you. Try to come to terms with that.
Then, for the benefit of both you and your spouse, try to let it go. He will only suffer if he avoids communication with family members who also had no say in the invitations.
Questions can be sent to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.)
Tribune Content Agency, LLC in 2025.
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