Greetings, Abby I’m a 54-year-old wife, mother of two, and full-time educator. My days are typically long, hectic, and uneventful. I have to call my 84-year-old mother, who lives a few states away, every evening. Naturally, I comply by patiently hearing all of her tales, outbursts, and rumors.
It would be like having my face stuck to a milk carton if I were to fall asleep or forget to call for any reason. The emails and texts begin, along with phone calls and texts to my spouse and occasionally even my kids.
Hey Abby, I tried to explain that this irritates and frustrates me, but I was told, “Well, guess what X said today?” Or did I mention what R told J? Yes, you have already done it twice. Should I keep my mouth shut or demand a more favorable timetable that will hopefully benefit both parties? Meaningful talks are hard to have when they are forced and largely one-sided. — CONSTRICT IN NEW YORK
Greetings, Burdened You have the ability to reduce the schedule your mother has established. But doing so will necessitate having a potentially unpleasant talk with her. It isn’t working for you to talk to her every day, so tell her you will call her once or twice a week. Instead of expecting you to listen to her every day, tell her that if she wants to gossip, she should do it with her peers.
You should expect that she will not be pleased. Ask your spouse or kids to kindly remind her that you are fine but that you are too busy to talk and that she should expect your calls at the scheduled time if she calls to voice her displeasure.
P.S. Her doctor should examine her if she has memory problems.
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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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