Greetings, Abby A fifty-year-old acquaintance was recently diagnosed with early-stage Alzheimer’s disease. She continues to live her life normally, driving, taking care of her finances, etc. But now that she’s lost her inhibition, she talks to me about my appearance (your thighs are so skinny) and health (are you going to die? That was the type of cough my mother had before she passed away. I’m having a hard time controlling my rage at her arrogance and preventing myself from making some extremely sarcastic and appropriate retorts. I can’t seem to get this off my mind. I cared for my husband with dementia for 17 years, so I don’t want to leave her at this time, but I also don’t need to spend weeks reeling from her hurtful and disrespectful remarks. Have any suggestions? — In San Francisco, insulated
DEAR INSULTED: Your friend is well enough to be informed that you don’t value her remarks if she is still able to go about her life normally. Tell her that she will see you less if they don’t stop, but don’t leap right in her throat. You might need to repeat it or reroute the topic away from you when her Alzheimer’s gets worse.
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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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