Greetings, Abby For sixteen years, my spouse and I have maintained a cordial marriage. We spend a lot of time together at home and enjoy each other’s company. However, I’ve found it harder and harder to hear what he’s saying over the past year or so. He mumbles so much while seated in his chair that I can’t tell if he’s speaking to himself or to me. Additionally, when I have the sink running or he is in the adjacent room with his back to me, he tries to speak to me. He doesn’t speak up no matter how many times or in what manner I beg him to. He claims that other people can hear him and that he dislikes yelling at me.
An audiologist evaluated my hearing, and it’s fine—no difference from when I was younger. He still won’t speak up, though! Most of the time, I ignore him unless we are facing each other in the same room because I am so irritated. Then he becomes upset with me because I didn’t answer or didn’t understand what he told me. How do I make him realize that if I can’t hear him, I can’t hear him, regardless of how loud he feels he should talk? IN ILLINOIS, OUT OF RANGEMENT
Greetings: You’ve told your husband that you can’t understand him unless he gets up from his comfortable chair and speaks to you directly. It might be less annoying for HIM if he tried what you’re recommending. It’s rude of him to refuse to cooperate without making an effort. (Is he experiencing hearing problems when you speak to him, or is he losing it?) You might need to get your hearing examined again, regardless of the reason behind your communication issues. Consult a mediator to convey the word to him if you are told again that everything is OK.
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Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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