TO ANNIE: A friend of mine received a lymphoma diagnosis. After receiving treatment, she is currently in remission. She won’t tell her adult children that her cancer is inherited. She manipulates friends and family to obtain what she wants by telling them she only has five years to live.
She has evolved, or at least I’ve begun to notice a different side of her, one that makes fun of me all the time, uses me to whine about everyone, and thinks she’s always right. I started to flinch whenever she called because of it. It was really painful for me to lose nine cousins in a single year. I tried to express my sadness to her, but she simply disregarded me and brought up the topic again.
When I finally reached a breaking point, I shut her out of my life in order to save my sanity and restore my sense of self. Am I mistaken for feeling this way? — Her Cancer Card Is Wearing Her Out
DEAR EXHAUSTED: Your friend must have had a difficult time dealing with that diagnosis and everything that went along with it, and it sounds like you supported her through a lot. However, being ill is not a justification for cruelty.
You stood back because your friend wasn’t returning the respect and support you were showing her, not because she had cancer. In addition, you were still attempting to make room for her while navigating your own losses and sadness. Everybody eventually reaches their limit.
It is acceptable to leave a relationship that is exhausting and one-sided. You took all necessary precautions to keep your peace since you were in survival mode.
For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].
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