Greetings, Miss Manners I had dinner with my wife at a recently opened restaurant. The server inquired about how things were near the end of the meal.
I responded that although my entrée—chicken parm over spaghetti—was excellent, it was difficult to eat from the deep cast-iron dish it had been baked in and then served in.
I found it strange that my wife, who is a very vocal woman, reprimanded me for expressing this. She remarked that since the wait staff has no control over the serving plates, I should have just mentioned how delicious the food was. She seems to be saying that I should only speak if it’s a complement.
PERSONAL READER: The restaurant-customer relationship is mistaken for a social one by your wife and almost everyone else.
Restaurants are establishments that sell prepared meals, regardless of how welcoming the ambiance is as a place to socialize. The proprietors of this new restaurant especially want you to recommend it and come back.
Therefore, it is not only appropriate but also helpful to express any issues in restaurants in a courteous manner, even though it would be impolite to critique a private host’s meal. Instead of taking offense, a waiter should reassure you that the feedback is helpful and will be shared.
The fact that many people treat private hosts the same way they would a company, dictating or criticizing the menu, stealing leftovers, and even neglecting to show up after accepting invites, is what Miss Manners finds more confusing than your wife’s perplexity. For real fear of getting charged, they might not dare do the latter to a restaurant.
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(Questions can be sent to Miss Manners via email at [email protected], her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
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